Everything's in order in a black hole


31st May, 2014

Night time is when I do most of my thinking. I often consider topics such as where my future will lead me and what’s going to happen in my life and the rest of the world in the coming years. For some reason or another, night seems to be the time my brain is most active, whilst the mornings are when I feel the most tired. Perhaps it’s the constant consumption of caffeine through the drinks I have all day that keeps me up at night.

Most nights I use my iPod and try to drift off listening to various podcasts I have stored on there. Tonight I was listening to the TED Radio Hour podcast with an episode focusing on what they called the millennium generation, and how people are coping with growing up and discovering who they are and how they can impact the world. And this got me thinking about where my life is headed, what I’m going to do with this life I’ve been given and in turn inspired me to switched on the PC (much at the risk of my parents waking up and not being best pleased about it) and sit down to write another article about my feelings to publish on my website. Whether or not anyone will read it, or care is another matter. To which I simply don’t mind.

So on to the point. My life at the current time consists of college, work and hobbies. College, whilst not going too great at the moment, takes up 3 and a half days of my time a week where I study Software Development in an attempt to get some sort of qualification that will somehow allow me to get a job in IT in the future. Whether it will aid this or not is another matter entirely. Work, which I have just managed to sort out with a part time job is not too bad. I’m not earning the best wage in the world, but hey, I’m 17, it’s my first job and I’m more than happy for the experience. And my hobbies, which are wildly varied; Computing and technology, Brass Bands and Non-League football are 3 of the interests which consume much of my free time.

Life over the past 2 years has changed significantly for me. Leaving school and the safety net that surrounds it with knowing exactly what is going to happen every day of the week and going out further into the world, being able to make my own decisions in life and making new friends, new experiences and feeling somewhat older for it. And now I stand at the point of wondering just where I will be in 5 years time… Will I know what I want to do with my life, or will I settle down into a standard existence accepting what I have been given and letting life pass me by.

This sounds like a somewhat childish thing to say perhaps, and of course I don’t consider the life my family and friends have made for themselves to be mediocre. However I just can’t at this time see myself doing the same job day in day out for 40 years, living a ‘normal’ life, reaching 65 and settling down for retirement for the rest of my life. It sounds grandiose, but I want to do something more with my life. I’m a 17 year old with a lot of dreams, aspirations and desires. There are many things that I want to achieve in this life and not getting round to achieving them is something that scares me. I want to be able to look back when I’m old and think that I did alright.

The issue with wanting to do things over a long time span is that they seem to be hard to achieve. A comparison I would make would be studying for an exam. At least in my experience, revising was never my strong point. I would prepare to revise, think about when I was going to do it, and say to myself that I had plenty of time to worry about it. But suddenly that plenty of time would turn into a day, and I would end up realising I hadn’t done any revision… It’s easy to lose track of your long term goals in life.

There are plenty of people who can tell you what you ‘should’ be doing with your life. What career paths you should follow, what jobs you should pursue and socially how you should act in life. But who’s to say this is correct? Who’s to say that you should do what society expects, get a job, settle down and live life with a strategy guide. It seems to be the people who take risks, venture off the beaten path and deviate from the norm who make it big in life and achieve their goals… But there’s always a risk. I want to live my life as I find it, set myself a goal and discover my own way of achieving it. I feel that if you worry too much about achieving things that society sets out as conventional targets you may become complacent, lose your ability to be creative with your life choices and end up just another ID number in the system, another plain brick in the wall. I want to stand out, not to become famous or well known, but to live my life through my own goals and discoveries, my own new road of choices and hopefully enjoy myself doing it.

I’ve said it a lot recently, and come up with the idea that my goal in this life is to leave the world in a better state than I found it. How on earth I’m going to achieve this, I have no idea. What I want to spend my life doing, at this current time I also do not know. I have a set of skills in IT that would allow me to perhaps get a decent job and a decent living, but how will that ever change the world? I’m just one guy, how can I make a difference at all? Perhaps the ‘world’ consists of something smaller than the dictionary definition. Maybe the world is your family and friends, the ‘world’ that you can physically reach with the tools given to you, the people you can impact and the choices you can make to make that community better. And those choices that you can make that will affect the wider community to make the world better.

I have yet to understand what it is I want to do in my life. I have a lot to learn, a lot to experience and much to take on board before I can say for sure. But one thing I don’t want to do is lose sight of my goal. I want to make the world a better place, but exactly what the definition of the ‘world’ is, and how I will go about making it better is yet to be discovered by me. Hopefully I have a lot of time to live on this earth, and my journey is just beginning, but I hope to be able to look back in the future and be happy with the decisions I’ve made and become a better person.

But I’m just a guy sat here at 1:38am thinking to a keyboard. If any of this has any real meaning, substance or reality I can’t say for sure. Perhaps all of what I want in life is a pipe dream, and the reality I see in the future of the economy and my career is what will happen. Or perhaps it is a matter of believing, that if you really want it and work hard enough for it, your aspirations and dreams can become a reality. Only time will tell… This world is really all we make of it, this life is only what we ourselves define it to be. I want to see my life pan out well and am looking forward to facing new challenges and growing up. I’m looking forward to hopefully experiencing relationships flourish, careers advance, discovering who I am and moulding my future into what I want it to be. And of course, making the world a better place in one way or another.

So thanks to my parents, for raising me and working hard to give me all the opportunities I have in this world, even if you won’t be happy to find out I’ve been using the computer at this time, I wish to someday repay you for what you’ve given me in life. Thanks also to my friends for aiding me in my quest for discovery in this world. I couldn’t have gotten to this point in life without you all, and I’m looking forward to living many more happy years with you in my life.

No matter what happens in the future, whether I do well in these things or not, for whatever reason it is I have been given this existence living on this tiny rock flying through space, I intend to do my best to make it an enjoyable one, and I’m just happy to be here writing this right now. Just a guy with some dreams.

Don’t lose sight of your goal.

Thanks for reading!